Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Disconnection Notice

You sent me a Facebook message saying hey.

It has been 2 months since we've been constantly sending each other messages, texting each other in the wee hours of the night, and even seeing each other sometimes. We talk about anything under the sun: books, movies, shows, studies... anything. We enjoyed each other's company so much. Actually, how can we not? We talk every single day. I know almost everything about you- what makes you engrossed in our conversations, what makes you pissed off, how you want things to work out for you and all those little things I notice. But sometimes, I wonder, am I the only one who notices those things?

I got on my bike and travelled across the village, trying to keep my mind of you. I have this certain obsession with you that nobody could ever comprehend. I'm off to my favorite coffee shop just on the outskirts of this place. People rarely visit the place, as teenaged girls like me prefer going to Starbucks. It's rarely quiet in there and people are merely putting on a facade. That overpriced frappuccino would not be worth it since I needed a place to write my songs. 

I rang the bell, waiting for Eric to open the door and greet me with a huge smile. On the contrary, he looked forlorn but forced a smile in his face when he saw me. Eric told me the shop may close soon, as the manager is not really earning much. I gave him a tight hug, and heaved a sigh. He smiled and asked me, "The usual?" This guy knows me just as much as he probably did. 

I took out my guitar from its case and caressed the embellishments I made my friend paint on. Eric placed my chocolate latte with extra milk and a pen, my usual orders, and sat across the booth. He is fond of listening to my compositions. I scribbled lyrics on the napkin, but crossing them out in frustration afterwards. I asked for a shot of espresso and let my thoughts wander of a bit.

I asked you once on your thoughts about relationships. Being a hopeless romantic, I told you all of my stories of my failures in love. You laughed at all of them, and you forced me to laugh at all of them. You promised me brighter days and a stronger heart. You'll make me strong, you swore. We would then shift to less serious topics, and the discussion would be buried and forgotten. 

I decided that now is not a day I could finish a song. I played one of my favorites so as to not disappoint Eric. I payed for my coffee, thanked him, and biked away. I do not want to go home, not yet, unless I am 100% composed. I passed by every street in our village: Oak, Elm, Redwood.. and so on. The mighty trees bearing a name for each corner I pass by. I made 2 rounds, even stopping by a pastry shop to buy cream puffs and tea for my mother, yet you're still running through all the corners of my brain. I just could not stop thinking about you.

"You're too occupied on men.", you said. I could never forget the night we argued and I wept without you knowing it. I was swallowing every drop of my pride just so I could understand you fully. Your every word sent daggers to my chest, closing up my throat as I gasp for breath. You are blaming me for being too in love. For being too in love for you. And because of that, I never told you. 

I fumbled with my keys in my basket, looking for the right one as I approach my home. I took a turn on the curb, kicked the stand of my bicycle and grabbed the paper bag from the pastry shop. I opened the front door, left the bag in the counter and ran up to the stairs. I hurriedly opened my laptop and signed in to my Facebook account.

You were in a relationship with someone else.

The next day, the rain was unbelievably strong yet I decided to go out. I did not bother get my umbrella or wear a raincoat. I got on my bike, pedaling furiously with my eyes squinted as I tried to see my path. I parked my bike on its usual spot and walked towards the entrance. I was freezing from the cold air blowing through my soaked clothes. I stared at the sign, and the sign stared back at me. Its words were emblazoned on the bright red background, saying "We're closed."

I sat down on the pavement and watched the cars passing by, probably heading to Starbucks. 

I could not believe you remember my love for coffee. 

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