Sunday, June 23, 2013

Dreams of our Universe.

After asking Jonvier about his favorite film, five centimeters per second, I instantly scowered the internet for it. I watched it last night and I can say that the film is indeed beautiful. Everything just falls into place, the cinematography, the music, the underlying theme, just everything. It was so beautiful that I even dreamed about it. Also, I somehow connected with the film. I can say that I am very much alike with the character in the second chapter of the film.

Anyway, I am spending my morning watching another film directed by the same man, and I can say I'm enjoying it. The themes of his stories are very unique, and you will somehow get absorbed and be fascinated with it. The theme of this one is about a promise waiting to be fullfilled, but it somehow involved some physics in it.

I've never seen something as beautiful.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

You're Gonna Be The One That Saves Me

06/23/13, 2:23 AM

I'm still affected by the caffeine I got from the coffee I made this evening. I decided to ingest coffee to finish all my schoolwork tonight, and have that Monday to review for Calculus. I'm not even a bit sleepy. I'm done writing my Philosophy papers about Buddhist and Islam ethics. I'm also done answering what I could in our Physics homework. I'm not sad, I'm just sick of this place.

Also, I'm getting really emotional starting this morning. It's probably because of my mood swings or maybe the fact that I am awfully tired. Sleep never seemed to be the answer, I had lots of it yesterday. It's just that I become exhausted from my hectic schedule anyway after my rest. I had a sleepless night then PE then another sleepless night. Sleep, but another sleepless night the day after that. Too much workload, even if I do try to manage my time.

My head is practically crammed with technicalities: from vectors to limits to philippine literature in the american era to atheist ethics- basically everything. I try to escape from them for a few minutes, maybe even hours, but I just get sucked back in. Sometimes, I do wonder if this is the life I want to have. If I would even consider this living. I don't really know.

I'm so pissed at everyone in this house. Everybody's just finding a way to annoy me then calling me a bitch afterwards. They should know their own boundaries anyway. I'm a tired, menstruating and maybe even sick person. Don't try to offend me in any manner. I'll just resent you or kill you in my imagination. Also, I have an issue with my brother. I've been saving up for Bazooka Rocks and he stole a 4-day deposit. That's 4 days of not eating what I wanted and depriving myself to meet my friends. He probably just spent it on some bullshit. He's fucking pathetic, and the spawn of satan himself. I know it's wrong to say this, and I am sorry God, but I hope that kid dies in a fire. Or at least he gets in a freak accident that would forcefully stop his stealing habits. That pathetic faggot.

I may also avoid WAGC, maybe just now or maybe for a long time. I don't want them to miss me, and I do not want to miss them. I should accept that they are not really a part of my daily life and I should never sulk due to their absence. Harsh, but it's the truth. They've grown on me- too much that it's actually beyond their supposed limit. We had fun days, but those lie in the past. There's not much that I could do about it.

I'm overthinking stuff, as you can see. That's all for now.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Labyrinth of Suffering

06/19/13, 1:17am

In order to seek my great perhaps, I still need to find my way out of this labyrinth. I'm staying up this late (although I need to wake up at around 4:30 later) to study Calculus and Physics. I wouldn't be up in the wee hours in the morning if my Calculus professor actually teaches her students and not the whiteboard. Her microphone does not help at all, we just sound like a rosary brigade in a chapel instead of a class. My physics professor does good anyway, and I'm thankful for that. It's just that she gave a 10-item homework that's a it difficult, and she had a lot of restrictions when it comes to the format.

I need to rest, My vision is a bit blurry, my head feels like it's spinning as if trapped in a vortex, and my whole body's going limp. The fact that we have PE tomorrow kills me more. I hate my Thursday classes for it's jampacked with both major and minor classes. The only courses we do not have tomorrow are Programming and Philosophy.

It's a good thing we now own a locker, which I'm sharing with Moi and Aly, so I can just stack my books in there. I might die if I still needed to carry tons of books while having to bring my PE uniform plus I had very little rest the night before. A little way to lessen my burden, but I thank God for that damn overpriced locker rental.

Finding the way out of the labyrinth is hard, and I just need to find joy in my suffering. That way, I can make my desperation and pain bearable and worthwhile.


Monday, June 17, 2013

I Screamed Over The Sound

06/17/13

Perhaps, another normal day for the average teenager attending University.

My morning started a bit early, 4:30 AM, right upon hearing my alarm Jukebox (Life Goes On) by The Summer Set. It was supposed to be a feel good song, but like Postcards and Polaroids, I'm just beginning to resent it. Anyway, I rose up from my bed and decided to reset my alarm since it was not a busy morning. I was too sleep-deprived (I slept at around 2 in the morning) to start both my day and my week in a blissful manner. So I proceeded to my daily routine, packed up and was ready to leave.

Just when I thought I was ready to leave, I found out that my ID was missing. Having that ID is essential in the University and I know too well that losing it would be a hassle. I was running a bit late with the heavy traffic going on so I left without it. I arrived late in the Physics laboratory looking like a wreck as a result from the stressful commute that I had. As usual, Phys202L was a big snoozefest.

There's this one class that really took my attention, Philosopy 5: Christian Ethics. No, it's not all Jesu-freak bullshit that you're thinking. Today, we actually talked about the pursuit of happiness. The different perspectives of the state of being happy and the like and their classifications. I have a gut feeling that I need to categorize myself in one of those groups for the next workpaper. I'm not really sure of the possible question anyway. I can relate my attachment to this course to Pudge's likehood to his Religion subject.

In the afternoon, we decided to play Rockband for our Professor decided to really not show himself to us. We spent an hour playing drums, guitar, bass and singing alternately. I loved singing MakeDamnSure and Bring Me To Life so much, no matter how they strain my vocal chords.

Luckily, it rained when I was already walking on my way home. I thought it was just going to be a drizzle, but it was another thunderstorm. The skies were lit up by lightning, the roar of the thunder was defeaning and the clouds seemed to be unforgiving with the rain. I decided to stay at home and just read.

I'm going to end the day by reading my Physics and Calculus notes. Au revoir.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Thoughts

I actually forgot about my new literature class because our professor came in so late. So apparently, I have to worry about 3 writing classes: English 3, Philippine Literature and Philosophy. I lost my connection with the creative wires somewhere in my brain and I really need to get them intact once again.

For the last 2 weeks, I've been having a great time in my classes. Yes, the pressure never left and continued to toast the left side of my brain but it's nice to have friends helping you out. This is going to be a bumpy but fun ride, I always thought. I'm going to be invincible just by thinking and believing in it.

I'm now a part of a large group of friends right now. I'm getting attached to them way to easily than I expected. They are amazing, and it's nice to see that I have built a greater social interaction with other people. I'm not the usual quiet kid, I'm actually interacting with everyone now. Well, sort of everyone, but I try.

Classes were suspended today, tomorrow's my free day and no NSTP announcement yet so I'm okay with Sunday. I sure do need this kind of rest.