Coffee

I slowly crept into the dark walls
the bitterness I naturally possess
is taken over by my disguise
Sweet, loving, beautiful

The heat of my greatest passion
May also be the coldness of my desire
As I spiral down to my demise
I feel nothing but exhilaration

Before I drown in all my sorrows
Get stuck in a hurricane of death
Melt in my own pool of sadness
It's something else I would become

And after I am devoured
My soul and spirit shall remain
For I know my essence
Will last for a great sense of time

April 3, 2014

the hiatus is over

After several months of not posting/creating any literary piece, I'm back! Well partially, since I would still be taking Integral Calculus for a few weeks. Nevertheless, expect a bit of poetry, haikus, and a little update of what's going on with my life. I hope people will still read my stuff and support me as I  reinvent myself!

Happy days are ahead.

My Sunset is Your Sunrise.

We were childhood friends. Tadashi's father worked in the same firm as mine. They would leave us together in the park during the day, where would sit by the swings or take turns in catching each other in the slides. By evening, we would come to each other's homes. During lunch, our parents would chatter on how we're gonna be inseperable forever. We ate our food in the fields, and have a contest on who sees the most airplanes passing by. You would always win our little game. I used to call you  my older brother, but you turn bright red and ask me to stop every time. 

By highschool, we have grown quite apart. You took interest in science, while I was more inclined in arts. As time goes by, we go from walking to school together to barely saying hi when we bump into each other in the hallways. My regret never faded until this day, on how I was too foolish to let time rip us apart. Throughout highschool, I ate my lunch alone in the study hall, feeling desolated as my other half left this sillage; while he must be in the cafeteria working on something. 

One day, while I was silently playing with my food, I heard the door open behind me. "Akemi?", it was surreal, why is Tadashi here? "Akemi, I was wondering if that painting by the stairwell was your work?", he said. I could not believe he would notice my trademark, as it has been 2 years since we last talked to each other. "Ah, yes. What about it?" He sat down next to me and looked at his lunch tray. "Well it looked really nice. And, uh.. well.. aside from that..", he muttered, "I was wondering if I could eat my lunch with you again?" My heart raced and I could feel my cheeks flush with excitement. I smiled and answered, "Of course!". You opened your lunch and we began talking about things in the past two years as I began being engulfed in the moment. 

There was a lot of differences between Tadashi and I. Tadashi was more of stern, responsible and appetent for success. I was a creative soul, just letting my instincts take over my actions and decisions. It was amazing that we still managed to feel a connection between us. We would lie down in our blankets after class, just staring at the stars and throwing caution to the wind. Our talks would go endless until we reach our respective curfews. 

Before our summer vacation, Tadashi rented a boat so we could row through the nearby river. We set the perfect date and time so we could still manage to get home as soon as possible. We rowed miserably and spun in huge circles. We laughed so hard at our incompetence when you looked at me suddenly. "Akemi, I.." My world stopped revolving and suddenly it was all you. "I love you, Akemi. I always have." As redamancy washed my whole existence, I bowed my head slightly and smiled the biggest smile. "I love you as well, Tadashi-kun." You leaned forward, and we kissed. The sunset was glowing in our faces, and it was as beautiful as ever. 

After 3 years, Tadashi was set to fly to New York so he could pursue his medical career. I could feel his excitement emitting to all of us inside the car, while I am feeling very restless. Our days together felt endless and full of joy, and I am sad as ever that it's reached its peak in this moment. I tried to look enthralled as you are, but it was a shame I am aspectabund. You wrapped your arms around me tightly and I closed my eyes. I've been fighting my tears the entire trip and I could not let them go right now.

"Akemi, I'm sorry. I don't think this is going to work out anymore.." You said while enveloping me in your arms. I was silent, as a single word would cause my tears and screams I am suppressing to be free into the wind. You boarded the train and waved goodbye. Foolishly, my tears fell as I tried to run with the train to catch up with you. "No, Tadashi! Please, I love you so much! No!", the words escape from my mouth as I sob relentlessly. 

The sound of serenity is slowly calming me on most nights. We are separated by our dreams, our futures, our distance. My beloved Tadashi and I are now living on different sides of the world, casting our own shadows at the opposite directions at noon. "Goodbye, Tadashi...", she said as she drifted back to sleep drowning in her own sadness.

(Playing with Lomo camera apps)

I could not find the lace of my dog so I decided not to jog outside anymore. I continued my Nike Training workout this morning and I was close to throwing up. I wish I could learn how to bike soon since I wanna go to places other than my house. Having no money is a real pain in the ass, but I'll preoccupy myself with other things to suffice. 

Sembreak, day 2

I've been trying to reconnect with my creative side. All of my colorful juices went dry from the 4 months that I spent studying Differential Calculus (which I would probably retake) and Physics. One way of doing that is being inclined once more in music. Therefore, I bought a new guitar.

I've been playing songs from different bands ranging from OPM to Pop Rock. It's relaxing me slowly, keeping my mind of differentiability and centripetal forces. I'm trying to memorize chords and progressions slowly, but all at once. I'm being addicted, and that's okay. Music's been a great part of me anyway. 

Disconnection Notice

You sent me a Facebook message saying hey.

It has been 2 months since we've been constantly sending each other messages, texting each other in the wee hours of the night, and even seeing each other sometimes. We talk about anything under the sun: books, movies, shows, studies... anything. We enjoyed each other's company so much. Actually, how can we not? We talk every single day. I know almost everything about you- what makes you engrossed in our conversations, what makes you pissed off, how you want things to work out for you and all those little things I notice. But sometimes, I wonder, am I the only one who notices those things?

I got on my bike and travelled across the village, trying to keep my mind of you. I have this certain obsession with you that nobody could ever comprehend. I'm off to my favorite coffee shop just on the outskirts of this place. People rarely visit the place, as teenaged girls like me prefer going to Starbucks. It's rarely quiet in there and people are merely putting on a facade. That overpriced frappuccino would not be worth it since I needed a place to write my songs. 

I rang the bell, waiting for Eric to open the door and greet me with a huge smile. On the contrary, he looked forlorn but forced a smile in his face when he saw me. Eric told me the shop may close soon, as the manager is not really earning much. I gave him a tight hug, and heaved a sigh. He smiled and asked me, "The usual?" This guy knows me just as much as he probably did. 

I took out my guitar from its case and caressed the embellishments I made my friend paint on. Eric placed my chocolate latte with extra milk and a pen, my usual orders, and sat across the booth. He is fond of listening to my compositions. I scribbled lyrics on the napkin, but crossing them out in frustration afterwards. I asked for a shot of espresso and let my thoughts wander of a bit.

I asked you once on your thoughts about relationships. Being a hopeless romantic, I told you all of my stories of my failures in love. You laughed at all of them, and you forced me to laugh at all of them. You promised me brighter days and a stronger heart. You'll make me strong, you swore. We would then shift to less serious topics, and the discussion would be buried and forgotten. 

I decided that now is not a day I could finish a song. I played one of my favorites so as to not disappoint Eric. I payed for my coffee, thanked him, and biked away. I do not want to go home, not yet, unless I am 100% composed. I passed by every street in our village: Oak, Elm, Redwood.. and so on. The mighty trees bearing a name for each corner I pass by. I made 2 rounds, even stopping by a pastry shop to buy cream puffs and tea for my mother, yet you're still running through all the corners of my brain. I just could not stop thinking about you.

"You're too occupied on men.", you said. I could never forget the night we argued and I wept without you knowing it. I was swallowing every drop of my pride just so I could understand you fully. Your every word sent daggers to my chest, closing up my throat as I gasp for breath. You are blaming me for being too in love. For being too in love for you. And because of that, I never told you. 

I fumbled with my keys in my basket, looking for the right one as I approach my home. I took a turn on the curb, kicked the stand of my bicycle and grabbed the paper bag from the pastry shop. I opened the front door, left the bag in the counter and ran up to the stairs. I hurriedly opened my laptop and signed in to my Facebook account.

You were in a relationship with someone else.

The next day, the rain was unbelievably strong yet I decided to go out. I did not bother get my umbrella or wear a raincoat. I got on my bike, pedaling furiously with my eyes squinted as I tried to see my path. I parked my bike on its usual spot and walked towards the entrance. I was freezing from the cold air blowing through my soaked clothes. I stared at the sign, and the sign stared back at me. Its words were emblazoned on the bright red background, saying "We're closed."

I sat down on the pavement and watched the cars passing by, probably heading to Starbucks. 

I could not believe you remember my love for coffee.