Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tries to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

-

I've been meaning to post this before I started writing my own poems, for this is my inspiration for writing. We discussed this in my World Literature class the day after my breakup (I cried in class, seriously). From then, I motivated myself to channel my pain and anger from loss through art. That time, I tried drawing and painting which helped me. 

This summer, I'm starting to experience the same thing. Compared to losing, it's the pain from defeat. How can I lost something I never even had? My pain is channeled from defeat- the absence of another person for he belonged to another. The whole universe defeated me from achieving my own piece of happiness. "The world is not a wish-granting factory", and indeed it wasn't. The universe revolves around you, hindering you from doing the right thing at the right time. 

This poem is so inspiring, for it never fails to reflect my own emotions into something timeless. My poems may not be as beautiful as this, it will not be as eternal and frozen in time. One day, my colorful words will be forgotten and long lost in someone else's memories. But I know one thing for sure: the feelings encrypted in my poems are as deep as Pablo Neruda's. 

"My sight tries to find her (him) as though to bring her (him) closer. My heart looks for her (him), and she (he) is not with me." This line is visible in all my other poems regarding this subject. I am longing for him, my whole heart, body and mind craves for his essence. He is not with me, he is indeed miles away. He was once close to me, and I was engulfed by his presence. How dear he is to me. How beautiful he was, for he was my love and my dreams. I was in love with him, in love with the thought of me being with him and him being with me.

"Another's. She (He) will be another's." This line shows my whole dilemma, the whole roadblock the universe has chosen to give me. I am hindered from loving him without sin. Every single time I wanted to be with him, I am doing nothing but breaking my own heart. Everything is wrong about my feelings for this person, but I never wished for this. He is so dear to me, but I am not as dear to him. "Love is so short, forgetting is so long."

"Because nights like this I held her (him) in my arms. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her (him)." So many sleepless nights, so many haunted dreams. I want him to be beside me day by day. I want to be there for him, to take care of him, to love him with all my heart and to give him happiness. My soul has not lost him, for he slipped away before I got the chance to keep him. 

I'm so sorry, my love. I did not want to love you. I did not want any of this. But I am in love with you, I think about you everyday. I miss you so much. I know you won't read this anyway, but here I am trying to reach out to you.

"For this be the last pain that she (he) makes me suffer, and these the last verses that I write for her (him)." But I can't, and these aren't.